byatch.

i've misplaced my rosary ring (that gold one i wear on my index finger).
it feels weird.

bare.

but at the same time, just because something isn't physical there anymore doesn't mean you stop believing in it.

i like envisioning the intangible, subscribing to the irrational and above all, i like to believe in a thing called love.

the von bondies - c'mon c'mon

sammii is back to love and virtual-cuddle me, claud and nathan make me think, lynn is sometimes a mirror image that makes me look within, and kev sends me effing awesome songs!

while talking to nathan last night, i realized that sometimes when you feel like you could die from the weight of your troubles, all you have to do is stand on the outside and take it all in perspective. and suddenly, you realize that what you thought was a monumental loss isn't anything more than scrapes and bruises.

today, i am thankful for all my friends who gripe and listen to me gripe, who stand by ready to catch me if my knees ever buckle from the weight of the world (or so it seems).

ps/ how do you lodge a complaint when Karma short-changes you?

snow patrol - run

-------------------------------
addendum@11pm. god damn i wish i had the smarts to come up with something so astoundingly true:

"consistency of one's integrity is key, all else can evolve and change for good or ill but integrity implies a geniune state of moral soundness. you can do nothing wrong to impede a relationship of love if it is your barometer. not all love is lasting though. the universe knows best."

when I stumbled upon pictures I tried to forget
and that's how this idea was drilled into my head
'cause it's too important to stay the way it's been
but there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
and now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all
and here I rest where disappointment and regret collide
lying awake at night

death cab for cutie - title & registration

"a friend, a shoulder, a mate, a love & a true kinship"

having spent a large part of my teenage years and all of my tertiary education in the states, it is strange how i now attribute late-night cram-writing sessions to my short stint in melbourne.

it is almost as if i have somehow, subconsciously managed to replace all memeories made over here, with the much happier ones in australia.

as i sit here, staring at the blinking cursor at the end of my opening paragraph on China's decline, i am almost certain that if i just closed my eyes, i would be brought back to a time and place where even the most onerous papers were worth the fun-filled all nighters.

we'd order take out from chinabar (princess dumplings, sam's fave), and grab beer from that dodgy liquor store on the corner of bourke and russell (i think?). on the hungriest nights, we'd have lamb slovakis (spell?), burgers from mackers, and pre-packaged salads from Coles.

the following day, we'd reward ourselves with shopping and/or sticky date pudding & copious amounts of coffee. and we'd talk.

the thing is, im not deluded. i know it was a one-off thing and perhaps that was what made it so special and indelible. i know that the impermanence of my stay was probably a motivation to meet up all the time. but still, i cant help but hope that if i wished really hard, i'd somehow find myself back there again, where everything was so debauched, and almost hedonistic. (i mean that in a really good way!)

yet.

here i am. with a little under 25 weeks til the end of my flirtation with academia. (i say flirtation because right now graduate school just seems like the farthest thing from me) i want to do well, but its a little hard when you feel like you left your heart in singapore and your soul in beautiful melbourne.



frou frou - its good to be in love